Rest In Peace

Khairel Afiq Bin Khairudin

i thought i saw you in heaven
when i was there last night
they said you haven't been coming
so i walked to know you're alright
then i walked down to where
we hold our movie star lives
they said you haven't been coming
so i walked to know you're alright
and i walked to know you're alright

and if you find your way back home
i will be waiting on my own

i thought i saw you in heaven
when i was there last night
they said you haven't been coming
so i walked to know you're alright
and i walked to know you're alright
and i walked...
and i walked to know you're alright

saw you in heaven.

Personality Test

come one come all to this tragic affair.

i'm going crazy by the day with yelling thoughts in my head. ain't thinking as straight anymore.

tongue-tied and oh so squeamish.

its been a week since we officially graduated from Temasek Polytechnic. in our hands, were the certificate, diploma in biotechnology.

it was suppose to be a day with pride and honour. but the only pride i can take myself with is the 4 months in Bangkok, SIP/MP. a distinction worth the wait.

THE honestly sincere picture taken, only.

mama we all go to hell.

okay, i am actually working as a civil servant, yes to the nation, with the Ministry Of Finance under the department VITAL.org. lately there isn't much to do, so i stroll my time away by surfing the limited access internet.

when boredom begins to loom, it brought me down to this, the thought of thailand. i guess i will never let that 4 precious months of my life go. ever.

bangkok, thailand.

as i re captivate the moments in thailand, some jokes were sieved. joke with loud waves of laughter, joke with high intensity of sarcasm and also joke with pure insanity.

these events were rank 1st, 2nd and 3rd briefly in the memoirs of thailand.

starting with the 3rd. it was purely evil sarcasm. it was one of the days, normal working day. the 3 of us (dan, kt & i) were marching back to the lab from lunch at thammasat canteen. as we walked up and down the indoor bridge from one building to another, we looked through the windowpane. we saw a man, warming up for a jog. its was around 1pm, who in the hell would wanna jog with the sun right above your head?

but this man. the difference is that he's actually limbless as both his limbs were, i guess, amputated.

so, either dan or myself, made a remark: "sia lah, this guy surely very fit one!"

and as we walked down, koktong went : "eh don't play-play with him, later he punch you then you know!"

which, obviously, the word punch is not in that man's dictionary since he's limbless. both dan and i initially disagreed of him making fun of handicapped people, noting its cruel. but in singapore, looking back at it, makes us burst into laughter vetted it as the 3rd best event.

the 2nd event isn't as funny as it was. it was one of the "sequencing results" day. both dan & i had ugly results. so, we were kinda stressed up about it. then, later at night, there was this show, YETI, which really was a low budget movie.

when the 'yeti' shows up, dan and i were laughing for 15 mins straight. okay, this is actually really not funny for anyone else but us. so it doesn't matter.

the best event, 1st. we were having our normal daily lunch, again, after eating lunch, we decided to slack a little, given the fact that doctor yindee wasn't around that day. so, while slacking, we came about the topic of girls. typical boys talk.

kt had mentioned of his likings to a girl's features. he mentioned that he likes girls that are petite, small, cute. also he said that there isn't any of his type in Biotech, TP. while crazy thoughts raced in my head, i calmly interrupted-

"got! in our course got small-small, cute-cute, petite-petite type for you one"

both dan and kt subconsciously leaned forward a little bit to hear more of me with their question, "who?"

i then said- "ERVIN!"

all three of us burst into laughter, so loud that it silenced the whole canteen as the people shot their glaring stare at us. we couldn't care but to laugh our ass off.

for those who does not know who ervin is, ervin is a short boy in our course that is backstabbing in his nature. he is more or less a midget. cruel as it is, its true.

so that's no. 1 for you! and this pretty much summarise how great thailand was for us.

i'm writing this letter and wishing you well.

work has been work. sitting under an air-con has snatch spells of migraines later in the day. migraines which have never been dealt well with. the accumulation of unnecessary stress is churning me into one hell of a crazy psychotic depressed person. i admit it that i'm psychologically unbalance these few days.

truthfully, i don't need to be a psychologist to say this - no matter who you are, if you ever want to voice someone's weakness, you DO NOT speak of anger nor tantrums and most importantly, BE justifiable. watch your tone.

you don't want me cleaning up my closet.

i got a job that starts on monday. awesome as it is, am i missing out on something?

anyways, i was blog hoppin until i saw something interesting. very interesting indeed, that i wanna share with. i hope the blogger don't mind me grabbing excerpts of its content.


"
only if, i could play football with no guilt.
only if, i could watch football with no worries.
only if, i feel appreciated before telling i don't.
only if, lesser anger and tantrums were thrown at us.
only if, i have a reason to be proud.
only if, i was entitled to solitary walks.
only if, you'd understand the things i did for you.
only if, i didn't feel being constricted.
only if, you could care less about my hair cuts.
only if, i could be who i really am around you.
only if, i am allowed being the person i was that fell for you.

only if.


- 30 April 2008 "


its funny how this person deals with things. but his/her poem entitled "only if" was tad direct. and i was wondering whether the term "you" in the poem, refers to a monster that exists?

in a hell i'm burning.

i've been youtube-ing for a bit lately. and i chance upon an interesting song from an interesting artist that i won't soon forget. she's lovely. and i'm sorta, in love with her. haha.

so here.. lykke li from sweden, reminds me of the swedish lady i met in thailand =)

hear the sound, the angels come screaming down.

okay, im still pretty much not over thailand. perhaps all due to rotting 24/7 at home having no where else to channel my thoughts. i wanna do this though, re-captivate my SIP in thailand bits and pieces.

it was really difficult to get over such occurrences. especially 4 months on your own. from working our ass off, and laughing over the smallest of things in the lab together with daniaal and koktong. more laughing when koktong fell on his butt!

etc.etc.etc.. how nice it would be if i can share every little with everyone, selectively everyone.

so there was the cooking!

the awesome food!!!

the phad thai every tuesday! awh, it looks way delicious in real life. i remember how we used to get all pissed off and angsty when phad-thai was either sold-out or not selling. i'd be the first to get all furious after being strucked by the news. thats how much of an impact phad-thai made on us.

then there was the white water rafting trip at prachinburi(i guess).

and more of the rafting trip. which was AWESOME!

and there was MORE than this..

and someone searched my name "khairel" on google to get here! awesome!!! or "awesome" for someone unwelcome. haha!

i'm not okay.

time has sped right past us. and self-realization has its way to extend an understanding to life. i was browsing through my older post, and damn i do miss thailand alot.

unlike the rest, i had two phases in thailand. the solitary phase and then the other phase.

what i went through was really delicate in terms of growing up. and i have learnt alot. like really alot. life has never been more meaningful since. an experience i won't soon forget.

i hope my thai friends are doing well. though i am losing the flair of thai language. haha.

ps. this post signifies that i am still alive.

mcr saved my life in bangkok.

GREETINGS! from the superheroes of tioman island!

so the tioman trip was awesome. the exhilarating fun was limitless. from a simple heartattack game to a ground breaking bursts of laughters.

as we marched in to the woods, there lie a monitor lizard with a certain kind of mutation. a monitor lizard with a sardine canned head. awesome? no.


ronny freed the monster off of its own captivity.

and so, that very night, we chance upon another monster. well, its hard to tell what it is. here's a picture of it and a conversation amongst us.


japheth: eh, it looks like spider but its not.

joel(came to the scene): eh its not a spider lah, it got more than eight legs. its an OCTOPUS!

japheth: OCTOPUS ALSO GOT EIGHT LEGS WHAT!!!!

joel: =_='

the rest: YA LAH! LOL..


tioman was AWESOME!!!!

how did we get here, i think i know you so well.

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Commitment Even though it may not always seem like it, deep down you are afraid of being committed to anything serious. You love the feeling of being carefree and not having anything tying you down. You're afraid that someone or something that may tie you down in life, will keep you from reaching other goals. You may also be afraid of getting hurt. You need to open yourself up more to possibilities and realize that sometimes it's good to be committed to something that you really care about. Just because you're an independent, free-spirited person doesn't mean that being committed to anything is going to change who you are.
Where Your life is Going
Disappointment
Looked down on
Losing Someone
Death
Being Alone
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

this is pretty lame, but it has got a point in it.

come one come all to this tragic affair.

its been 11 days since i landed in singapore. though i feel no different, i'm still in the transition of settling down in singapore. probably in the 11 days i've been in singapore, all i did was to catch up with the reports and workbooks. yes, reports, 2 of em.

after yesterday, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. although dan and i had the taste of life as a vampire. 26 hours without sleep and no food towards the end of it. such familiarity was only observed in thailand though.

everyday, i still wake up to my alarm switching to snooze will preparing in my head to go to the lab. everyday! when reality hits me, i became aimless. realising thailand was something huge to let go. 4 months of my life where i truly grew and influenced by the reminiscing thoughts of many. especially with the prescence of Dr. Yindee where there's a fine line between serious and joke.

apart from that, singapore is fine. although stepping out of home feels very awkward.

teenage angsts have paid off well. now i'm bored and old.

okay this is getting scary. we're one day away to 'home-sweet-home'. and i haven't even pack a single bit. neither have daniaal. and we're not worried. thats worrying me.

we've been doing some last minute dash in terms of work, reports and clear-ups. intentions were made clear, behaviours were changing, uncertainty were certain, feet were eager to run home.

at the end of it all, i've seen so many perspective of life. from the first five struggling weeks, i've seen what it seems to be the darkest days yet which vividly reminds me of hope when you feel there is none left. the other 12 weeks was working hard and proving everyone wrong.

three partial gene, one full-length, one satisfied son.

where the angels undercover curse our names.

random pictures from Pha Ngam Trip.

they say history will find us on the last train.

we're five days away to home. and for the past week, dan and i have been exchanging greetings as such, "aku tak sabar nak balik bodo!"

which literally means "i can't wait to get home, stupid!"

obviously, we're trying our best to hush the urge to get home. our drives are channeling to the last work day.

we came back from the trip to prachinburi in the late afternoon. with 5 others from starch biosynthesis lab. since the trip was made mandatory, i have no complaints. slept alot throughout the trip, journey to and back, something i never get to do much here.

well, on the way back, in one of those stopovers, i saw one whole stack of rose-red water apples. i was tempted, and there, stated "5(something in thai) 100".

assuming 5 water apples for 100baht, i demanded for 5. to my surprise, the lady gleefully packed 2 big bags for me. in confusion, she showed me on the weighing scale, there you go, 5 KG. for 100 baht. a few cents short of 5 singapore dollars.

i was surprise, still am. i was very skeptical about it until i grabbed a bite. it was too sweet to be true. 5 kg for 100 baht. how am i gonna eat em all?

pictures later.

lets go back to the middle of day that starts it all.

i was so high i chance upon the cutest baby in the universe.
you'll agree.

if only time flew by like doves.

why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday? keeping it brief.

irregular sleeping cycle, piling amount of work, reports. the project is undergoing a transition to expression analysis, the last part of the project. apparently, the project we're doing here in thailand are master degree level. well, i can only say on behalves of daniaal and koktong for the rest seem to be more relaxed.

there's just too much hiccups throughout the whole journey of completing the project. gleefully, i already have one full-length sequence with my name written all over it. daniaal has a few too. thats the good part. praise to god.

the ugly side, we're both losing hair, sanity, brain cells, drive, motivation, faith, strength, will and on top of it all, sleep. the mad scientist image is slowly wrapping me up. there's unexplained angst, fear and grief in us.

there's literally little space to even be thinking of singapore, home. though i can't wait for this to end. i went through soooooooo much, so thick. from the dark alleys to mounting pressures. this is getting depressing but there's always hope. even the slightest of hopes, i can't let astray.

like a dark knight riding his horse to nowhere, where the air he breathes leads him. looking back, he has no regrets.

you can sleep in the coffin and the past ain't through with you.